Chubby Jesus

I was on facebook reading my friend's status updates. A friend's friend was talking about how her kid likes to talk about Chuck E Cheese's but he's little so he calls it "Chubby Jesus".

Now that just made my day.

It is hot here...like, 90 degree hot. My temper is raging also right at this moment. It's band practice night, which isn't why I'm pissed. It's my almost 8 year old and his penchant for lying and stealing stuff.

We're not talking about cars or people's bikes or lying about getting drunk. It's more like stealing twinkies or a dollar from our key basket and lying about it.

The hard part is nights like this where I am the only parent available to parent for the entire day. My break doesn't start until everyone is asleep and on hot nights like this, well, let's just say the kids have a hard time doing what they normally do just fine.

Especially tonight, since catching my son with three stolen items of food behind his desk (all sweets, except for the crackers, which I told him he couldn't have right before dinner) and having him lie about it. I decided he would go to bed an hour early as a consequence. It was a fight the whole time and he keeps getting up out of bed. I'm infuriated because when all is said and done, I can't MAKE him do anything...I can only encourage him to do what's right and discipline him when he does wrong.

Isn't that just like so many other things in life? We think we can just tell someone something and they will listen and do the right thing. Like sex-ed classes, for example. You can't stand in front of 30 kids and talk about what they should do and expect that you are going to make an impression. Real change of heart happens out of relationship. It happens out of spending time investing in a person...and even then change isn't guaranteed. Ultimately it is out of our hands.

So why even bother? I mean, really, why take time out of your day meeting with someone who needs guidance and advice? It's obvious with my son, it do it because I love him and I want the best for him. But what about a teenager who's getting into drugs or promiscuity? What about that young new mom who is obviously overwhelmed? Why do I even keep harping on these things...why not just let him eat whatever he wants whenever he wants...why not just ignore the lies?

It's not just about the other person. All relationships are two ways and honestly, I am being refined and learning so much through these conflicts with my boy. I am learning patience. I am learning longsuffering. I am learning that life isn't just about obedience, but about grace and love. I am learning that I am not in control.

You can learn these things as well if you take someone under your wing. Even if you don't see a tangible change of heart, you will grow and benefit from trying to be there for someone else. Throw away your list of "unlovables" and find one person that needs you as much as you need them.

Writer's Block

Yep...I have it.

I have been bogged down with not so positive emotions/states of mind lately. Here's a brief list:

Bitterness
Frustration
Confusion
Apathy
Anger

No...it's not "That Time of the Month".

When this happens, my creativity shuts down...because I think if I write all those emotions will be evident in my writing. I can't even think of drawing or painting when I'm in this state. I can't really think of doing anything.

I like to find solutions to problems. I'd rather have a knock down drag out fight over something than not talk about it. I hate being in a rut and when I am I crave change. Sometimes, though, you can't change anything about your situation because it's not in your hands.

That is where I am right now. Where I can only change myself, accept what is happening and allow someone else to take care of business. This involves trust. Trust that they will do the right thing, trust that they will be my defender and my voice. Trust in open hearts and grace and love to overcome all that other yucky crap listed above. Oh...and patience. Yes, patience...which, for me, is something that is cultivated, not naturally grown in my heart.

So needless to say--I had writer's block and now I have a few paragraphs of whiny drivel to share with you. I'm not sure which is better!

This is my life.